Too busy to Talk to Mom

Mr. Snarfin,

I’ve recently transferred college to purse my passion for Marine Biology.  My Mother bought me an iPad hoping it would keep us close, i.e. Facebook, Skype, etc.  but I’m too busy to be constantly talking to her.  How do I tell her that?

Thanks! ;)

Julie C.

Julie,

You’re probably smarter than I am but I think you know the answer.  Sell the iPad, take the money and buy an arsenal of alcohol.  Develop what will begin as a minor drinking problem.  This is sure to bring you two closer than ever.

Have a great semester,

Richard.

Why is my Boyfriend Acting Different?

Mr. Snarfin,

I’ve been in a relationship for three years with a wonderful man. Recently, though, my boyfriend is acting differently toward me — more withdrawn, needing more space, etc., so I mentioned this to him. He swears there’s nothing wrong.

I realize that continually asking him what is wrong will only make things worse.

What should I do?

Katelyn

Dear Katelyn,

Two words: tentacle porn.  Figure it out.

Sincerely,

Snarfin

Should I Keep Scabies a Secret?

Mr. Snarfin,

I recently got diagnosed with Scabies after visiting my nieces in Tampa Bay.  I didn’t tell my co-workers and now the Scabies has spread through the office.  Should I admit to being the source of the problem?

Stephanie W.

Steph,

I almost positive Scabies is incurable.  Just quit your job, it’s easier that way.  Then consider paying a lengthy visit to a friendemy you haven’t talked to in awhile.  Remember, always fight fire with fire.

Best,

Rich