Concerned Friend

AuntyJoJoxxxx@comcast.net to advisegi9@gmail.com
Dear Mr. Snarfin,
I’m house sitting my brother’s place all this week while he’s in Montreal. I accidentally killed his bird. I don’t know how to tell him. Should I wait until he gets back?


Lucky for you, birds lack the personality of a dog, the healing power of a cat, and the novelty of a reptile or rodent. Purchase another, or capture one from the park. They all look the same.
---Snarfin

Daddy Issues Friend

teddibear6xxxxxxxx@gmail.com to advisegi9@gmail.com
Dear Mr. Snarfin,
All of my friends act like they like me until they meet my dad. He is super rich, has lots of fancy cars and chases women. They always end up liking him more than me. What should I do so that my dad can’t steal all my friends?


What’s your dad’s phone number?
---Snarfin

Nuptial Friend

nancy76xxxxxx@aol.com to advisegi@gmail.com
Hey Mr. Snarfin,
My best girl friend invited me to her wedding in Malibu. I live in Detroit and just got laid off. I really want to come to the wedding but theirs no way I can afford to go now. What should I tell her? We've been best frends for years and Im supposed to be her Maid of Honor.

It's obvious to all my thousands of readers and me that the real reason you don't want to go to this wedding is because you had sex with your best friend's fiance (probably sometime last year).

I find it awfully convenient and so will your girl friend that you just "happened to lose your job" before what should be the happiest day of your friend's life. You’re not fooling anyone.
---Snarfin