Why is my Boyfriend Acting Different?

Mr. Snarfin,

I’ve been in a relationship for three years with a wonderful man. Recently, though, my boyfriend is acting differently toward me — more withdrawn, needing more space, etc., so I mentioned this to him. He swears there’s nothing wrong.

I realize that continually asking him what is wrong will only make things worse.

What should I do?

Katelyn

Dear Katelyn,

Two words: tentacle porn.  Figure it out.

Sincerely,

Snarfin

Should I Keep Scabies a Secret?

Mr. Snarfin,

I recently got diagnosed with Scabies after visiting my nieces in Tampa Bay.  I didn’t tell my co-workers and now the Scabies has spread through the office.  Should I admit to being the source of the problem?

Stephanie W.

Steph,

I almost positive Scabies is incurable.  Just quit your job, it’s easier that way.  Then consider paying a lengthy visit to a friendemy you haven’t talked to in awhile.  Remember, always fight fire with fire.

Best,

Rich

All My Friends Have Settled Down

Dear Richard

I’m the last one of nearly all my friends to settle down. As a result, most friends are in the baby/toddler/teenager stage. Which is great, I’m really happy for all of them.

BUT . . . you knew this was coming. When my friends were all falling into great partnerships, I got to share their stories and excitement. Now? Everyone is too busy for me. I get it — as much as I can from the outside — that kids take tons of energy. I know this in my head. But there’s a huge part of me that is just GAH!

Do I address this with them? Or just let it go? It feels petty but at the same time, I’d like it if someone would return my call so I can share a sweet story!

 Please Help!

 Lois

Dear Lois,

Here’s a way to get your friends to listen to your sweet story.  Invite one of your friends over with kids.  Spend the weekend before learning how to make an authentic Indian dish.  Then spend a good 10-14 hours on the dish, preferably Chicken Tikka Massala. 

(I had this one in Bangladesh while I was trying to break a twenty to pay for a tranny hooker.  It was delicious.)

Once you and your guests have settled down to enjoy your sumptuous meal, lay the news on them that you are moving away forever.  When they ask to know why, tell them you have a sweet story you wish to share first.  It’s the perfect opportunity to get your sweet story out there.  Good luck!

-Snarfin