I'm Keeping a Secret From My Grammy

Dear Richard

My family has been keeping a secret from my grandmother. I have a 17-month-old daughter that she doesn’t know exists. I wanted to tell my grandma from the start about her great-granddaughter (her first), but I am afraid to. My family thinks that telling her will cause too much stress on her. No one in the family takes my feelings into consideration.

I think my grandmother should know she’s a great-grandma. The problem is, I don’t know how to tell her. She’s 90 years old. I’m afraid if I say something now, it really might be too stressful for her. Also, I’m afraid that if I reveal this secret, it will start a family feud.

Signed,

Emily

Dear Emily,

No worries.  

I took the liberty of telling your grandmother the big news.  (It was easy once I had your email address to find you on Facebook.  Then from there, all I had to do was a directory search.) 

By the way, you may want to call your grammy ASAP.  I think she’s mad at you.

Your welcome,

Snarfin

Too busy to Talk to Mom

Mr. Snarfin,

I’ve recently transferred college to purse my passion for Marine Biology.  My Mother bought me an iPad hoping it would keep us close, i.e. Facebook, Skype, etc.  but I’m too busy to be constantly talking to her.  How do I tell her that?

Thanks! ;)

Julie C.

Julie,

You’re probably smarter than I am but I think you know the answer.  Sell the iPad, take the money and buy an arsenal of alcohol.  Develop what will begin as a minor drinking problem.  This is sure to bring you two closer than ever.

Have a great semester,

Richard.

Why is my Boyfriend Acting Different?

Mr. Snarfin,

I’ve been in a relationship for three years with a wonderful man. Recently, though, my boyfriend is acting differently toward me — more withdrawn, needing more space, etc., so I mentioned this to him. He swears there’s nothing wrong.

I realize that continually asking him what is wrong will only make things worse.

What should I do?

Katelyn

Dear Katelyn,

Two words: tentacle porn.  Figure it out.

Sincerely,

Snarfin