Co-Worker Birthday Friend

lewiskyxxxxxxx@yahoo.com to advisegi9@gmail.com
Bill, my co-worker, is turning 60 next week. Do you have any fun birthday ideas you can suggest?

Do a pirate-themed party. Fashion a treasure map and send it to the office. Then, put an inflatable shark and/or crocodile pool float toy in Bill's room.

For the next week grow a beard, sport eye liner and remember to tie a bandana around your head. Last, on Bill's actual birthday deposit a trunk full of precious rubies and jewels in Bill's car with a piece of parchment that reads, "Booty."
---Snarfin

Taste-Averse Friend

carrie2xxxx@gmail.com to advisegi9@gmail.com
Dear Mr Snarfin,
I hate going on road trips with my friend, Marta because she makes me endure her awful IPOD library. Marta has awful taste in music. Should I be brutally honest and tell her?

Yes, you should be completely truthful with Marta about her music taste because there's actually only a handful of things in life it's okay to lie about:

1) Where the bodies are buried
2) Why there are bodies buried
3) And why there will continue to be more bodies buried.
---Snarfin

The Un-Friend Friend

suckmycockxxxx@aol.com to advisegi9@gmail.com
Hey Snarf-Nuts!
This may sound weird but I hate everyone. I have no friends and I have no desire to get a friend. You say you’re the “Friend King”. What do you have to say to me?


Why not consider a career as a suicide bomber? You’re the perfect candidate. One more thing, I have never called myself the “Friend King” but now I will just to spite you.

---Snarfin The Anointed Friend King