About Me

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I am a licensed therapist with a thriving practice in Illinois. As a youth I didn't have any friends but as I got older I found ways to make people like me. Since then I have taken it upon myself to fix other peoples' friendship problems. I like to drive long distances in my car with no destination in mind, just until the gas runs out of my car. Afterwards, I will often abandon the car and walk home.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Friendless Friend

Dear Richard Snarfin,
I’ve never had a best friend nor even any friends I would consider close ones. I’d like to have more friends. What do you suggest?

Let me tell you a story. When I was a kid my dad worked as waiter on a Pullman dining car. He hated having to be nice to the rude business execs who treated him like crap everyday and he would be very pissed off and drunk when he got home.

Every night he’d make me recite my multiplication tables and if I made one mistake he’d take it out on my best friend, the family dog, by kicking him hard in the hind quarters. When I was 12 that dog disappeared mysteriously. I'm pretty sure it was my dad who mailed me my dog’s bloody leash one year later with a note that read, “12 X 10 does not equal 300.”
---Snarfin

3 comments:

  1. Yeah, my dad was a drunk too. He used to hit my brother and me. He never did anything like that w/ our pets though. If I he ever touched my dog I would have slugged him into next week.

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  2. I'm not sure if I should cry b/c this is sad or just fucked up...

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